BY SEAN JAMESON
Note: We advise that you do not actually attempt any of the positions listed on this page.
These sex positions are really crazy. In fact if you can pull any of them off without injuring yourself, you deserve a medal. They may not be the most pleasurable positions to try with your partner, but they are worth a few giggles if you at least try them. So without further ado, here are 31 crazy sex positions for some weird, wacky, wild and potentially dangerous sex.
1. High Times
High Times Sex Position
We decided to kick things off with a cunnilingus position unlike any other. You need to be able to perform the splits while your man supports you with a hand under each thigh as you balance yourself with your hands on his shoulders. Once you are balanced, then your man can go to town on you with his mouth & tongue. Just make sure that you don’t lose your balance!
2. Jean Claude van Damme Cowgirl
Jean Claude van Damme Sex Position
We decided to create a variation of the regular Cowgirl sex position as a homage to the great method actor, Jean Claude van Damme, famous for movies like ‘No Retreat, No Surrender’, ‘Street Fighter’ and of course who could forget ‘Timecop’. Performing the Jean Claude van Damme Cowgirl requires you to perform the splits while on top of your man. In this position, you’ll find that your man will need to do all the thrusting.
3. Pole Breaker
Pole Breaker Sex Position
You can probably guess where the Pole Breaker position gets it’s name from. In case you didn’t get it straight away, it’s because leaning back this far makes it very likely that you will break his penis (or at least put a lot of pressure on it). This is great if you are a sadist and he’s a masochist, but if that’s not the case, then be very careful when performing it! Your man needs to gently thrust in this position. P.S. Check out how much pain our male model is in!
4. The Mhz aka The MegaHurtz
Mhz Sex Position
The only reason I included the Mhz position is because it really is crazy and it can cause ‘MegaHurtz’ if your man isn’t careful. If you’re a girl, then most likely you won’t get a lot of pleasure from it, but it can be fun if you find yourself getting bored of the more regular sex positions. Your man needs to gently stand up and then squat down to perform the Mhz.
5. Gateway Arch
Gateway Arch Sex Position
Inspired by the modern structural expressionist Gateway Arch in St. Louis, we decided to create our own version…but this time we decided to do it with a sex position. In this position, your man will need to have a lot of penile flexibility to perform it comfortably. To perform the Gateway Arch, you both need to gently rock into each other.
6. Contorted Cowgirl
Contorted Cowgirl Sex Position
The Contorted Cowgirl position is a actually a variation of Reverse Cowgirl, except this time you will be leaning right back to kiss your man, while gently rocking forwards and backwards on him.
7. Standing Splitter
Standing Splitter Sex Position
The Standing Splitter is one of the less taxing of these crazy sex positions. It’s very similar to the Stand & Carry position, except this time you will performing the splits instead of wrapping your legs around your man. Your man will do all the thrusting in the Standing Splitter while you hang on for the ride.
8. The Orchid Of Delaware
Orchid Of Delaware Sex Position
As you can see from the picture, the Orchid of Delaware is certainly not for the inflexible or infirm. To perform it, your man needs to slowly thrust in an out.
9. Data Hug
Data Hug Sex Position
The Data Hug position is great if you love sex positions like the Stand & Carry but want to arch your back more. Think of it as a less extreme version of the Pole Breaker.
10. Lemon Squeezer
Lemon Squeezer Sex Position
Although the Lemon Squeezer is hard to perform, it’s excellent for hitting the G Spot. Just make sure that your man doesn’t thrust too hard and push you over!
Hipster Sex Position
The Hipster was created due to the fact that other sex positions are just too mainstream. In fact you’ve probably never heard of a position like this one. You should think of it as an indie position that you won’t find in mainstream sex books. Flannel shirt optional
12. Reverse Hipster
Reverse Hipster Sex Position
Taking the Hipster one step further is the Reverse Hipster. It’s not particularly fun, but who cares…as long as you’re doing it before anyone else.
Hyperion Sex Position
Hyperion requires you to keep your legs as straight as possible. It’s the perfect position for your man for anal sex, but don’t expect to last long in it. Make sure to use your hands to balance yourself, while your man gently thrusts.
14. Three Legged Turtle
3 Legged Turtle Sex Position
The Three Legged Turtle may look beautiful and graceful in the picture above, but performing it is nothing short of a nightmare. If you are not a trained gymnast performing in Cirque du Soleil, then you’re going to have a bad time.
15. Preying Mantis
Preying Mantis Sex Position
Performing the Preying Mantis is actually quite easy. All your man needs to do is grab your feet and use them to bend your legs backwards. The further back he bends them, the shallower he will penetrate you. Biting his head off after copulation is ill-advised.
16. Buckled Blow Job
Buckled Blow Job Sex Position
Tired of using the other 10 blowjob positions on your man? If so, then try the Buckled Blowjob position with him. If he’s not expecting it, then it will take him massively by surprise.
17. The Heisenberg
Heisenberg Sex Position
We decided to name the Heisenberg position not after Walter White from Breaking Bad, but after the Werner Heisenberg, the German theoretical physicist. Why? Because of his Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle which states that it’s impossible to measure the momentum, the position or the trajectory of a sub atomic particles. Similarly it’s impossible to perform this position properly if you are actually moving or have any momentum.
18. Side Splitter
Side Splitter Sex Position
The Side Splitter is actually one of the easier positions to perform from this list of crazy sex positions. You just need to be able to point your toes towards the ceiling with a straight leg.
19. Cheerleader Cowgirl
Cheeleader Cowgirl Sex Position
The Cheerleader Cowgirl is a really fun variation of regular Cowgirl. To perform it, you just need to do a forward split on top of your man. Pom Poms optional.
20. Newton’s Third Law
Newton’s Third Law Sex Position
Sir Isaac Newton’s Third Law of Motion stated that to when one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction to that of the first body. Similarly in this position, the further you lean back, the further your man has to lean back allowing him to apply an equal but opposite force onto you to maintain your positions.
21. East To West
East To West Sex Position
Thankfully you don’t actually need to be that flexible to perform the East to West. Also if you look at the bottom section of the picture demonstrating the East to West position, it looks like there is just one person standing there with one hairy leg and one smooth leg.
22. Viennese Oyster
Viennese Oyster Sex Position
If you like feeling totally overpowered by your man during sex and even ‘crushed’ by him, then you’ll love the Viennese Oyster position. You can find out more about it on this page.
23. DeLorean Sex Position
DeLorean Sex Position
When you first saw a DeLorean car, you may have thought it was cool…Turns out it wasn’t, it sucked (0-60 mph time of 10.5 seconds!). This is exactly the same feeling you’ll have if you actually try out the DeLorean sex position. It looks cool, but it makes for some lousy sex.
24. Swan Lake
Swan Lake Sex Position
Of course Swan Lake is a beautiful and inspiring story told through the medium of ballet. So we decided to created a tongue-in-cheek homage to it. Like with many of these crazy positions, performing the Swan Lake for more than a minute is going to be very taxing.
25. Ballerina Sex Position
Ballerina Sex Position
Another ballet inspired sex position is the Ballerina. As you can see from the picture above, it’s pretty straightforward if you are flexible enough. For more information on the Ballerina sex position, check out this page.
26. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot Sex Position
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot is a fun version of Stand & Carry. Make sure not to try it if you have a weak back though!
Catapult Sex Position
This position is called the Catapult for the simple reason that if you don’t properly control the leg beside your head, then it can accidentally fling up, like a catapult and hit your man in the face. Just look how scared our male model is!
28. Reach Behind
Reach Behind Sex Position
The Reach Behind position is actually fantastic for hitting the deep spot if you are trouble hitting it with other positions. You don’t necessarily need to be able to grab his legs, just lean over as far as you can. Of all these crazy sex positions, this is probably the most enjoyable.
29. Max Planck
Max Planck Sex Position
The Max Planck is the third crazy sex position in this list named after a famous physicist. Partially because your man needs to perform a ‘plank’ with his body, keeping it straight and stiff and partially because your man’s Planck (H) multiplied by the frequency of this thrusting (F) is equal to the energetic pleasure you’ll receive (E). In other words E = H x F.
30. Arch Of Constantine
Arch Of Constantine Sex Position
The Arch of Constantine position gets it’s name from the famous arch dedicated to the Roman general Constantine, famous for founding Constantinople. As you can see from the picture, resting your weight on your man’s crotch while he’s in the crab position is very dangerous indeed!
31. Hungry Catepillar
Hungry Caterpillar Sex Position
Remember that book when you were a kid, The Hungry Caterpillar? Well this is a different type of hungry caterpillar, but just as fun! Being eaten out by a guy while upside down can provide quite a dizzying experience.
Each of these 31 crazy sex positions images were taken by our talented friend Ken Buslay are licensed under the following license, Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike CC BY-NC-SA
119 More Sex Positions
If you enjoyed reading these 31 crazy sex positions, but would like to learn more new positions, specifically sex positions that normal people can use, then you might be interested in checking out this page, it has 119 of the best positions for more enjoyable sex.
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